Thursday, April 02, 2009

Oahu Outbreak


There has been a breach in the Oahu Flying Monkey cage. Due to the lack of Sky-alis, severe withdrawal has caused mass hysteria among several of the monkeys. You have been infiltrated by a spy monkey who has been posing as a Big Island resident. Information leaks of the drug's availability at your location has caused this outbreak. Reliable intel from monkey chatter has them en route to the Big Island. You only have 48 hours to prepare for this inevitable invasion.

These monkeys will do anything to get high. The withdrawal that they are suffering will be obvious and alarming at first appearance but can be controlled.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to treat them with caution. They can be eased by repeating these words "Yes, it is flyable here, it is flyable here, it is flyable here". Clicking your heels while chanting this is not required but may help. These monkeys are highly trained in the art of ridge soaring and have varying experience in thermal conditions. Their attention span may be shortened by the strong desire to reach cloud base. Please insure that all pre-launch check lists are complete (they may be a little rusty), try to maintain launch sequences and make an effort to review flying and LZ procedures. They have a habit of lingering at an LZ consuming frosties. Just tell them that there is a refrigerator at launch and they will hurry to get back.

These monkeys are valuable and insuring their safe return will be appreciated.

A few of the missing have been identified:

Don, aka Slacker. Monkey is quiet until you get him going. He is mostly conservative and an overall excellent pilot. He is not suffering from withdrawal and may be used as a liaison between you and the invaders. Distinguishing features: he is the spy monkey.

Alex, aka Goal Post, Mr.President, King of Kahana, the Cobra. Monkey is highly intelligent, fluent in a few languages, excellent pilot and top lander and prefers dark beer or wine. Distinguishing features: well, lets just say don't let him borrow your helmet. [Editor's note: ouch!]

Peter, aka the Reaper, Gravity, Chicken Bone. Monkey is an instructor, with the most flying years of all the primates. He is highly knowledgeable of all things great and small, don't believe it, just ask him. Distinguishing features: well, alternate call sign is the Fat Bastard and may be accompanied by monkey see monkey do students.

Jeff, aka McStalker, McDaddy, and recently added McCloud. Highly intelligent and collaborates with Alex to engineer this awesome award winning web site. Distinguishing features: possibly sporting an HD video camera, if he remembers to bring it.

Joey, no really, he is a monkey, not a baby kangaroo, with no alias as of yet, but we are sure he'll earn one. Distinguishing features, Just came back from over seas and may have a different strain of disease, so withdrawal symptoms may differ.

Claude, aka Scrappy. Lets just say the call sign explains his ability. Monkey is an aspiring acro and tandem pilot, his known associates Fireman & Jorge are at large and may not surface on the Big Island.

Berndt, no alias. Monkey is unbreakable. Came back after a major injury and got back in the harness. All we have to say for this one is "Way to Go".

Nick, no alias. Monkey is an armed services pilot as well. Not much data on this monkey as of yet but will update intel as available. [Editor's note: despite his quiet and unassuming demeanor, Nick has the thermal instincts of a bulldog, as he has demonstrated by making multiple goals during tough competitions. Look for him at the top of your local thermals].

Jim, aka One-Eye Jim, Monkey is patient and methodical 99% of the time. Has been known to fly backwards and has perfected the Santa Claus Landing, on a roof. Distinguishing features: Actually has both eyes, likely to launch last but also to stay up the longest. Prefers dark beer or wine.

There are also several other monkeys believed to have escaped from outer islands that may be making the voyage. No intel, but they won't look like you.

We apologize ahead of time for any misconduct and thank you for your help in administering the needed doses that they all deserve. Good luck and happy flying. Next time I may be able to escape as well.


Anonymous said...

And your not going because???????

nightshift said...

"on routes" ? Shouldn't that be "on roots" ?
Wish I was going. I would love to see Thom's mini-brief on me.

Gravity said...

Nightshift, your not going because?????

Anonymous said...

The launch is great but the LZ may be a little beyond my ability at this time. Soon though, if the wind ever dies here.


Anonymous said...

I would love to see the write up about me! I am not going...because Logan James miller came into this world at 4 am this morning and I am going to arizona to see the family. DRATSSSSS and double drats. Ginny

Thom said...

Thanks Alex for the editing, I expect some stories to keep me entertained while you guys are having fun.

Anonymous said...

And you not going because?????????

Gravity said...

Sharky, Marc & Holly are now going as well. Yee ha More Monkeys.....

Alex said...

Big Island John will be joining us for some flying this weekend - he lives halfway between the airport and the flying site - click here for a google map of his location. The marker on the map may be slightly off - the house is directly across from Ho'omaluhia Place, on the makai side of Ali'i Drive. He says it's a fabulous oceanfront house with a hot tub right on the beach. The gate code is one nine one eight - he said I should share that with you guys in case anyone gets a chance to stop by.